Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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