people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
