she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
