Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny