Texts From Last Night

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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"

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  (704): I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful" http://tfl.nu/hdrb
  Replies (26) Good night (6218) Bad night (955)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head

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  (412): guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head http://tfl.nu/nsk3
  Replies (3) Good night (1597) Bad night (786)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.

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  (519): I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible. http://tfl.nu/zom5
  Replies (14) Good night (7900) Bad night (1069)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.

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  (336): I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable. http://tfl.nu/7b9p
  Replies (12) Good night (3524) Bad night (1688)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week

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  (+44): He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week http://tfl.nu/00sr
  Replies (13) Good night (1391) Bad night (4001)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.

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  (843): If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is. http://tfl.nu/wd98
  Replies (2) Good night (1208) Bad night (615)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend

  (703): View more from Virginia

  You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.

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  (443): you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend (703): You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence. http://tfl.nu/no32
  Replies (4) Good night (1739) Bad night (619)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.

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  (918): I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud. http://tfl.nu/vndr
  Replies (12) Good night (1528) Bad night (744)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself

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  (310): Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself http://tfl.nu/e5tp
  Replies (3) Good night (1468) Bad night (592)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?

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  (407): We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher? http://tfl.nu/1efu
  Replies (3) Good night (588) Bad night (997)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.

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  (317): This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me. http://tfl.nu/qrey
  Replies (3) Good night (961) Bad night (438)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.

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  (406): We turned a watering can into a margarita bong. http://tfl.nu/ptcq
  Replies (1) Good night (561) Bad night (339)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.

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  (561): Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin. http://tfl.nu/zfxh
  Replies (2) Good night (661) Bad night (308)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex

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  (250): The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex http://tfl.nu/v5jg
  Replies (2) Good night (581) Bad night (197)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.

  (1-970): View more from Colorado

  Haahahahahahhaaa

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  (970): You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed. (1-970): Haahahahahahhaaa http://tfl.nu/4fhz
  Replies (3) Good night (430) Bad night (128)

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