Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.