You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night