i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.