You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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