He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
