it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
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so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
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i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.