The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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