Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
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