I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I could fuck to npr.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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