There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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