some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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