I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
