i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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