finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
