Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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