how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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