I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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