I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
