kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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