That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
