Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
