You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
