ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
