But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
