i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
