I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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