mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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