I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
