He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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