My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
