when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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