Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
