This dress was meant to end up on your floor
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
