at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
