I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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