Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
