how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
