He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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