If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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