If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
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All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
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Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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