im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize