so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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