he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
