so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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