i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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