He is like the real live version of the state fair..
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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