if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
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there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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