My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize