I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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