He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
