I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
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