I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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