dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You did what with his pubic hair?
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