Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
