Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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