you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
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