I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
