He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Sex on roller skates
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off