I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.