we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
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I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
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I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?