So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
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I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
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its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO