He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.