did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
